Anarchy Angel

Let's get down to business.

2005-02-14T05:05:00.000-08:00

I am SO SORRY THAT I HAVE NOT BEEN POSTING. I DO NOT MEAN TO, I SWEAR. It's just, Drama's REALLY taxing. The point of this post, is to update you on my new link. I mean, I'll still try to update this blog as regularly as I can, which is really not going to be all that regular at all, just a warning, but I think that my faithful readers ought to have SOMETHING to read about my chaotic life. So the link is:

http://school-seriously-sucks.blogspot.com

I mean. It does, so, well, I guess that was the most appropriate name. I'm just kidding. School DOESN'T suck. At all. You'll find out what's been happening, if you COULD actually bother going to that site. The thing is, I ought to caution you, it's REALLY boring and REALLY long-winded, so if you don't die of boredom reading it, please do let me know your thoughts. I mean, if your brain is fully functional after digesting all those bits of nonsense. Anyway, I would elaborate on how things are, and what's been going on, BUT, there's just too much, so JUST GO TO MY SCHOOL BLOG. There. Have fun reading. Or you know, not. Ciao for now!

P.S. I wouldn't leave you hanging, here's a rough summary on what's been going on.

1. Drama Dedication (12 hours in school.)
2. I give up. I really do. (Social Politics and all that jazz.)
3. Beyond the weirdness. (A visit to Mr. Thum's house, and the horrors that came with it. Not to mention, the extreme embarrassment.)
4. Bloody blooming birds/flowers. (Valentine's day and the bloody blooming flowers that wasted so much of my time and energy, not that I'm complaining, because I love them, I really do. But read the post all the same, and you'll find out why.)

So that's basically what's been happening. Hope your life is just as eventful, not as chaotic, but eventful, anyway, in a positive way!!!

TSK... Because that's all I can say.

2005-02-09T20:05:00.000-08:00

I really wonder sometimes if it's all worth it. The whole Chinese New Year reunion thing... I mean, most people are just excited about the cash they're going to receive, presented in those awfully bright red shining packets that drive me up the wall when I see them. I think I used to be all about it, too. Those ang paos... Or however the hell you spell it. But then, I realized, isn't it just tragic, that everyone is all about the money now, and not the fact that families truly care for each other? I know I've posted this on my school blog and all, but now's where I REALLY begin rambling.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD NOWADAYS? IS EVERYTHING ALL ABOUT POWER AND WEALTH? WHY CAN'T WE JUST LOVE EACH OTHER WITHOUT HAVING THE HIDDEN AGENDA OF WANTING TO COLLECT CASH?! It's all so familiar... The smiles, the formalities, the "OMG I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN SO LONG, HOW ARE YOU?!"... It's become so MECHANICAL. As if we were programmed to do it every single year. Why can't there be a time, where we generally meet up, just to see each other? TSK... I mean, really. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

It's not that I'm babbling because I love my family so much and I wish we all could sit down, have lunch or dinner without wanting money, or anything. In fact, my family's pretty complicated. There's this family feudal thing that's been going on for AGES, probably since I was born. And therefore that brings me to having at least 3 reunion meals, if you can even call it that, which, if you think about it, is really REALLY depressing. I thought it was a time to spend the beginning of the year with your loved ones? Ah heck... What I think most of the time is usually wrong anyways, so who cares? Like my Dad says... "If you don't have anything good to say, don't say it." Well, actually, it goes more along the lines of... "Rae, if there isn't anything that will come out of your mouth that will help this family in any way, shut the fuck up. I don't want to listen to your shit. You're not a philosopher." Well, yes, I know, I'm not. But if you're not going to encourage me, there's a chance that I never WILL be... So another career option going down the drain...

Anyways, I shall stop my rambling and complaining, because, truthfully, it's not going to get me anywhere. But yes, I just decided that it's time to update, because I've been M.I.A for so long... Oh, and don't worry, I don't have Dengue Fever... Though I do have a rather unexplainable illness where I keep getting flu-like symptoms... But I suppose it can't be helped. At least I don't have to go for a blood test... I mean, I'd scream my lungs out if I did... Right. So anyways, enough of my nonsense. Will catch you another time... When my head isn't so full of crap... I mean, it always IS, but never mind... Ciao for now!

I HATE NEEDLES!

2005-02-03T07:13:00.000-08:00

Yes, yes, if you have actually been reading my school blog, though I'm almost positive you don't know the site, you will know that, there is a SLIGHT possibility that I have Dengue Fever. And I'm honestly, scared shitless of needles, and therefore, I'm sincerely hoping that my ass of a fever, will subside. NOW.

Computer's finally fixed, sincerest apologies for not being able to blog. I have been faithfully updating my school blog, though, due to the fact, that I'm really not going to risk Mr. Goh hanging me from a tree.

Evan was banned from our class during break and lunch, because he didn't own up to spilling a can of coke, and causing a HUGE puddle, and then merrily walking off as though nothing happened. Honestly, how anyone can do that, is totally beyond me. I mean, WHERE IS THE INTERGRITY? But whatever. I don't mean Good Evan, by the way. I mean, Bad Evan. But I'm sure you figured that out already.

Project's going to be fun now, we're doing one on Ancient Egypt AND we got to pick our group. Feline, Rachel and I are working together, Mr. Thum is positive that he's taking us out to lunch. He said that the winning group will be treated at Holland V, and quite honestly, I wouldn't mind being the winning group, but the lunch part is really a bit too much. Nice of him to offer, though. Feline can't wait, and I don't actually think our group WILL win. But who cares? I LOVE Ancient Egypt's History, it's unbelievably fascinating. I'm NOT being sarcastic.

OH! I asked Mr. Goh to be my Valentine, you know, as a joke. And his response was, "Sorry lah, I'm taken." LMFAO. Indeed. AND OMG! FELINE ASKED MR. THUM IF HE HAD A CRUSH ON ME! I swear, I could have died. His response, was something along the lines of, "No, why does everyone think that way? How can you ask such a private question? Now you have to donate $5 to the Methodist Association." At least he joked about it. I mean, if I were him, I'd probably have told her to shut up and go away. After all, what kind of question is that?! It's STUPID!!!

I stayed back to ask him if he was bothered by it, and, I'm jolly glad that he isn't, because he said if I was, then he's miss our conversations, but, "you gotta do what you gotta do", and quite frankly, I agree. Anyway, I'm really tired now, I think my weak body has had more than enough to handle, so I shall leave you with this load to digest. Ciao for now!

Stuff?

2005-01-30T04:07:00.000-08:00

So yesterday I TOTALLY forgot to mention that I went to watch this horseriding competition thing with Anna. It wasn't that fantastic, since it was all basic jumping, except for the part when Little Red went mad. I was like "If you're not going to scream riding that wild thing, I'll do it for you." I'm pretty sure I would have, though, so it was okay saying it. It was at the Bukit Timah Saddle Club. I love the horses, they're so pretty! I'd love to have a white horse, but they're really expensive. Like 300 grand, I think. Why would I want to spend that kind of money on an animal that I can't even see everyday? Oh well. But if I had that kind of money to use, I would, believe me.

I just did an Abstract Painting today. It looks like crap. But I guess that's expected, because it's Abstract. Ah well. Though I spent at least an hour on it. Oh well. Never mind. I also finished doing the Anne Frank thing. Was rather difficult, seeing as to how it stirs up emotions I'd rather keep dormant. Though I think I managed to write an okay paper. I'll ask Mr. Goh to be kind and not give me an awful mark because it was really quite difficult to write when you're crying your heart out. I'm sure he'd understand. Anyway, I'll give you a preview of what I wrote:

"Dearest Anne,

I wish I could tell you that I have been through the same thing, but all I can do is listen. I want to be able to help you, but that is impossible, in more ways than one. However, I will try to provide sound advice to lighten your situation, and hopefully make you life, in the least, a bit more bearable. Although whether you choose to heed my advice is entirely up to you.

Being trapped for so long, having to fulfill duties and tolerate the same old nonsense everyday can get quite tiresome. I should know, since I am destined to spend my entire life in a corner, hidden away from the world, until you expose me to it. In many ways, I am facing the same, imprisoned life.

Take each day as it comes, and always fully analyze the situation. I have only heard about your life, based on your persepective and your emotions. You must learn to see beyond that and put yourself into the others' position. When you have seen both sides, or at least tried to understand their logic, then, and only then, can you make a judgement, and start discriminating against them, although I would strongly disregard discrimination.

I truly respect that you do not explode every so often and cause huge, chaotic, and simply unwanted, scenes. that is, indeed very noble of you, but there will always be a time, where you can no longer keep it in, and the more that you try, the more frustrated you get, until you teach the point where you cannot possibly take it an longer. When that occurs, you can count on the fact that I will be around to lend a listening ear, though it would be better if you could try talking to someone in your family, about how you truly feel.

I know it is not an easy task to chuck your anger and agitation aside, but if you could accept your plight, and try to find a solution instead of channeling your energy towards despising your family and the rest who live with you, perhaps it would be more productive and less damaging.

All this, I admit, is a lot easier said than done, and it might seem unbelievable ridiculous to you that I could even suggest it. Please take my words into consideration, Anne. Having to deal with entrapment and facing the reailty of not knowing when you will be free, while having to deal with sporadic emotional aggravation is no mean feat. I admire your courage and determination to pull through, Anne, I really do. It is also rather puzzling how you have managed to hold on for so long. The strength of your character is amazing, and that will, ultimately, help you pull through.

Hang on, Anne. Hang on for dear life. I have faith in your abilities and I know you will not simply lose hope. I respect your decisions, Anne. No matter what you do, I will always be supporting you, rooting for you as silently as I will always be. Never give up, and face the truth, though it may seem unfair, for the truth may have corrupted your youth.

Yours,
Kitty"

Before you think I'm insane, the assigment was to read Anne's diary entries that Mr. Goh printed out, and respond to it, as though we were her diary. Her diary persona is 'Kitty', which explains the sign-off. Anyway, I think it's really bad, but, I mean, I really can't do better than that. I've cried my tears dry for her. But anyway, that's what I wrote. I hope I get at least a C. anyway, I'm brain boggled now, so I shan't post anymore. Ciao for now!

Drama! Nights of Laughter.

2005-01-29T02:59:00.000-08:00

'Lo! I actually managed to get a casting part! I'm Miss Ivory, the heroine. No, not the drug. Nights of Laughter, is a combined play with ACJC. They're putting on like, 3 or 4 plays or something, and we're doing 2 plays, and a Monologue. Melinda (I think that's her name, anyway.), is doing the Monologue. I think she's great at it. Seriously. Although it must be really difficult for her because the bloody thing is so long.

Kenneth, Stephanie, Rachel and Kami (Did I spell that right?) are in the play called... From Whom the Southern Belle Tolls... Or something like that. Rachel was too lazy to check it for me, so, this will have to do. I'm in a play called 'The Pot Boiler'. It's really funny, mostly because, Manav, a Year 5, playing Mr. Inkwell, has to declare his love to Miss Ivory on stage (Me, basically.), in an Irish Brogue. For the first run through, I couldn't stop laughing. I had to cover my face with the script because I was laughing too hard.How tactful of me, honestly. (Note the sarcasm.) Manav thinks I'll get sick of it after a week, but I burst into a major fit of giggles everytime I read it, so I really doubt it. The way he says it makes it ten times funnier, though. Ah well. The whole play is hilarious. I just hope Pat can be loud enough on that day. Oh, I forgot to mention. The people in my play are, Bryan, Pattrick, Li Xian, Penny, Iain, Manav, and me. It's HILARIOUS, really. You ought to watch it. I mean, assuming you even know when it is, or where it is. That's fine, I'll post it someday, when I know, or when I can be bothered.

We had the most depressing English class this week. It was about Anne Frank. I realized that I am actually a lot like her, in terms of family situation, and in terms of thinking and how we're able to express our feelings. It was majorly freaky. I broke down in class. I think I managed to unnerve my entire class, including Mr. Goh. He was very concerned. He told me that after reading it, he actually thought of me. Which is really, quite, unbelievable. The break down, I admit, was quite scary. I started rocking and covering my ears and screaming and crying. It was really bad. But enough about that.

A lot of things happened this week, including the fact that I'm horribly ill and my parents are refusing to bring me to the doctor, and refusing to let me stay at home to rest, so seriously, I feel really... *Pukes* Like that. Aye, never mind. Too long, and too boring to go on. Slightly too many things have happened, so I shall leave you all. Ciao for now!

Thousand Apologies!

2005-01-25T04:28:00.000-08:00

Sorry sorry SORRY AGAIN, for not posting like I've promised I will. Well, I promised myself, anyway, so, technically, I should keep my promises so that I won't feel so guilty. But whatever. Sincerest apologies, I'll try not to let it happen again. Although that might be a bit hard since school is SO taxing. I've been pretty ill so far, I'm hoping it'll go away soon, because going to school feeling like crap really isn't all that pleasant. Mr. Goh was super nice, though, he let me rest during his class. He's my FAVE TEACHER. Though his English isn't really that fantastic. I mean, it might be, but not that I've seen, anyway. Which is okay, I suppose, considering that most of my life, I never really had an English teacher who seemed to be doing the language justice. But it's okay, since Mr. Goh rocks beyond belief.

Mr. Ramesh is nice enough, too. He lets me walk around after class once I'm done because it was so freaking cold in the room. And as always, my Chinese teacher is THE best. She doesn't really care what I'm doing, be it playing with my cell phone or laptop, or whatever. Hmmm. What else is there? Oh yes, Religious Studies. BLAH. It's not that Dr. Barrett is a BAD teacher, or anything, he's just really... BLAH. But he's a nice enough character, I suppose. I mean, I don't dislike him or anything like that. So that's good. I think it is, anyway.

As for the rumors, well, it's sort of ceased, but then it started again today, which was really retarded, and I think Andrea and Douglas actually said it looked like ____ and I were actually kissing. In the middle of class. How retarded. But of course, all ____ and I were doing, was SORT OF hugging. SORT OF. Right at the end of the day, though, he hugged me to say goodbye, which was bad, since Royce was all, "Hey, do it again! Just kiss her already, man!" And I was mortified beyond belief. There is absolutely NOTHING going on between ____ and I. I don't know why people like to think there is. Oh well, their problem, not mine.

I would go on and tell you how retarded my History presentation was, but you'd probably fall asleep, SO, I'll just sum it up in two words: IT SUCKED. Mostly because my group members stood around looking like complete mental blockheads, who presented the case of brain deficiency very well. Very well, indeed. I can't believe those ****ing idiots are going to pull down my entire History grade. I could have just murdered them on the spot, honestly. I suppose I'll just do extra-credit assignments and hope Mr. Thum won't fail me. Or maybe he'd just fail me on purpose, no matter how good my work is, just to prove he doesn't take a liking to me, as a student. I sincerely hope not, that would simply cause me to send him an EXTREMELY informal vulgar e-mail. So I hope he doesn't.

Anyway, enough of my rambling, I've got to get on with my Religious Studies homework. Yes, we DO have homework for it. No, I'm not looking forward to actually DOING it, but never mind, that's entirely besides the point. OH AND I GOT AN A- FROM MR. GOH! And he's apparently 'very stingy' with his marks. I mean, he wouldn't tell me that I topped the class, but apparently, I did. All he said when I asked what the highest grade was, was "Why do you want to know?" And then one of the guys told him it was because I was competitive and HAD to top the class, and he was like "You're doing fine, don't worry." LoL. Fine, indeed. He actually wrote 'LoL' on my paper. I didn't exactly intend for it to be funny, but well, I'm glad that it is. Okay okay, I'm REALLY going now. Thanks for listening. Well, not really, but you get my drift. Ciao for now!

P.S. Ebloggy is being annoying beyond belief. Seriously. Go check it out and tell me, how do you NOT get annoyed? All thanks to Mr. Goh and his outdated blogging ways. Tsk.

Parent Teacher Meeting Thing

2005-01-22T22:15:00.000-08:00

Technically, this parent teacher meeting thing was a HECK of a long time ago. Like Thursday night. I just haven't really been bothered to post it, because I've been really busy and really ill. But anyway. All my teachers have been incredibly nice. Seriously. They had nothing except praises for me, and I was sort of thinking, are the seeing an alien version of me, because I really don't think I've been doing all that well in my classes.

Apparently Mr. Goh thinks I have an 'excellent command of english', and Dr. Barrett thinks I will 'excel' because I have 'a lot of potential.' My Chinese teacher thinks that I'm a 'leader by nature', and my Math teacher says that I'm 'quick and accurate', and wonders if I'm in Student Council. Oh, and as for my History teacher. He 'really likes' me, because it's a 'pleasure to teach' me, and he thinks we 'have a very good relationship' and 'can communicate well.' Or something or other. And my Mom very nicely asked me if I had bribed my teachers to say all that. Gee, thanks. Secretly, I'm wondering if I HAVE bribed them in an alternate universe or something, because I doubt I'm anything of those things above.

Altogether, though, I'm glad all they said was good, in case parents EXPLODE on me for giving my teachers trouble, or something. But generally I love school. I mean, despite the scandals, and the work, and the insanely boring lessons at times, it ROCKS. So ultimately, if my teachers really meant what they said, which I doubt, they probably said it to get rid of my Mom as soon as possible, then I'm glad that they think that way. At least then I know they don't mind teaching me, even though, I am a bloody bugger and it must be so irritating to have to put up with me for, oh wait, let me count. AT LEAST 7 hours a day. I pity them already. But anyway, I shall leave you now. I am too ill and too tired to continue rambling. Ciao for now!

Worst fucking day of my life.

2005-01-20T21:36:00.000-08:00

Well. I'm not sure what there is to say because I'm so fucking pissed that I'm probably not going to make much sense anyway. But basically, today, was the worst fucking day of my life, as it is so plain to see. Well, it's the worst day since the New Year, anyway, and it might not SEEM that mad, but believe me, it is.

A lot of things are private, so I really can't state them here, but basically, I had this History project to do. My group members did nothing at all. I did EVERYTHING for them, and for the division of responsibility, I even bullshitted my fucking way through it so that they won't get their fucking asses fried. And then, they, apparently, told my History teacher that I was being bossy, even though I didn't ask them to do anything at all. And so I flew into this fucking emotional state where I cried like mad because all my effort went down the drain and they could even complain about me when they fucking didn't do anything at all. So I was damn fucking mad at my bloody group members, but it turned out, it really wasn't their fault at all. It was my fucking good-for-nothing History teacher's fault. He was busy. So he told me that to, 'get rid of' me. In those exact words. And he apologized. And you know what. I couldn't give a fuck. I mean, first you tell me some crap to get rid of me, then blame my group members, getting me into this super-fucking-irritated state in which my friends had to try and calm me down, and then my friends tried killing my group members, and then they complained to you, and THEN you apologize. I don't think so. I just don't fucking take that shit. Seriously. It's fucking messed up.

Anyway, I was basically pretty diplomatic about it. Like I didn't bother to tell him to fuck off and die, because I can't do that anyway, he'll fucking kill me, and so, that's never a good thing. Whatever. But right now, I'm pretty sure he's told lots of SHIT to my Mom, who went for the parent-teacher thing, and she's going to come back, and fucking scold my ass off. You know, I can't even begin to imagine what my teachers are saying about me. I swear, I don't think I want to know. But I will, eventually. And you know what. I'll tell you as soon as I know. Assuming I'm not crying my fucking eyes out. So, ciao for now people. Hopefully, I'll be a bit more calm later, so you won't have to deal with the vulgarities. Perhaps I'll wash my mouth with soap. Whatever. Later.

Monday Mourning (Please excuse the horrible pun.)

2005-01-17T01:06:00.000-08:00

'Lo again, it's Monday Mourning for me, considering the INSANE amount of homework that I have. Technically, it's not that insane, but, I have a History Research Project to do, and my group members are seriously uncooperative, really. I mean, all they did when I was slaving away in front of that hundred dollar ACS Story book, yes, seriously, it's a 100 DOLLARS! I could buy like 3 Mango Tee's with that, but whatever. Anyway, all they did, was listen to Shih Chern's Ipod, while he, was busy ATTEMPTING to connect to the Internet. Attempting, is the word. I think the entire network screwed up, so nobody actually managed to, but that's entirely besides the point. So honestly, I have a bunch of LOGS to work with. NOT good. But Mr. Thum says I have to... Uhm. Something or other. Wait, let me try and recall. What was it that he said? Oh yes. "You don't go to war with the army you want, you go to war with the army you have." So I suppose I'm going to TRY and get the best I can out of them, even if it kills me. PLUS, we changed places in History.

At first I thought it'd be a temporary arrangement so we could work with our groups, but then, somehow or other, he ended up making us sit like that the whole time, and I'm sandwiched between 2 Evan's. Good Evan and Bad Evan. Needless to say, Being sandwiched between them is sort of making me NEUTRAL. Rae's sitting next to Good Evan. I mean, the OTHER Rachel Lim. So it's like, from left to right, Evan, Rae, Evan, Rae. Quite pathetic, if you ask me. I think maybe I could tell Mr. Thum to change our seats, or something. If not it'd be like the quartet of unbelievably cheesy sitting positions. Well, not quartet, per se, but quadruplets, perhaps. At the very least. But really, being sandwiched between 2 Evan's could be hazardous to my health. One's brainless, and the other's a casanova. Damaging, really. And that's at the very least.

I still have Religious Studies, Art, English AND History to finish. And really, it's not the matter of the deadline (A.k.a dateline), but really, the matter of the fact that I HAVE to put in my best effort for every piece of work, and technically, it's impossibly draining after awhile. Okay, anyway, I WOULD rattle on to calm my nerves, BUT, I have to get started on my work if I ever plan on achieving something. Like a letter on the paper, perhaps. That WOULD be achieving something. Actually, no, not really, but if you really think about it, effort still has to be put in just to write ONE letter. But whatever, not the point. Ciao for now!

Hey y'all!

2005-01-15T01:30:00.000-08:00

Heya! Yes, major surprise, I know. I deleted my blog and decided to get a new one, though, the link is still the same because I think it's so me. Please ignore the fact that this is dark, plain and scary, I swear, I'll change it as soon as my IE stops being bitchy and allows me to access all links properly. Anyway, school started like 2 weeks ago, and I have so many things to post, but really, I'm not going to do anything at all. I'm going to be diplomatic, and not complain, because honestly, who would want to listen to my problems anyhow? But just to fill you in, there have been a lot of scandals going around, and I find myself tangled into well, most of them, and it's slowly, but surely, driving me up the wall. I'm still not going into that, though.

So, basically, today I went ice-skating with Sean, Rae (No I don't mean me, I'm not psycho enough to talk about myself in the 3rd person. Not that there's anything wrong with that.), Yan Yu, Jackey, Annabelle, Mark, and a few other people that Rae knows who're from Queenstown. I didn't fall, which wasn't all that surprising, seeing as to how I didn't really skate all that much. We were just blabbering on and on about nonsense which is actually quite fun, despite the fact that it was hardly sensible in any way, except for the fact that it was intelligible enough. And when you think about it, that's not really sensible, at all.

I saw Val and Michelle Sham from IJ just as we were leaving. It's wonderful to catch up with your old schoolmates because then you know how their lives are like, and whether they're having an equally bad time as you are, or having the time of their lives. Although I must say it does create an upheaval of emotions, mostly conclusive of nostalgia, which I highly doubt that I can deal with right now. But that's, really, isn't the point. I would, have loved to post all my messed up conflicting swirl of emotions right here, but then you just might die of boredom, and I wouldn't want to have that, so, I shall shut up and leave you for now, because it's my cousin's birthday, and we're celebrating it by having a dinner party. Whoop. I can barely contain my excitement. (I'm sure you can tell how sarcastic this is.) Anyway. Ciao for now!